Ahoy mates! I felt compelled to give you all an update on those lofty 2019 goals I posted back in January – especially for those of you that tossed your own overboard.

After crushing my 2018 goals, I was very excited to conquer this year as well… However, as the year has progressed and I continued going back to them – I realized something. I created those because I felt I needed to. In reality that wasn’t at all what I needed this year. 2019 has been such an ebb and flow year for me. Circling back to that long list of goals was something that ultimately was stressing me out – so I threw them overboard.

I’m not throwing those goals away; obviously they meant something to me. They now will be something I possibly have already achieved, will at a later time, or will return to a year to two. And that’s ok.

Moving forward, I’m going to approach my goals as dreams instead. Looking at a goal, I feel I need a strategy and an objective to achieve it. For those that know me, know I’m less logic based and more emotion centric – so going after my aspirations in a more imaginative way seems what is best for me right now.

Shifting ones mindset and resetting is integral to change and growth. 2019 has been a year so far – mostly great, a few scares and wipeouts in between.

I shock myself with how much I’ve grown and changed in just the last year. I forget to take a moment and appreciate how far I’ve come. I’m aware of how much further I have to go, but that doesn’t diminish the self-progress I’ve made thus far.

I’ve recently wanted to re-balance and find myself again. I think it’s easy to lose oneself when life is happening at full speed and you find yourself gasping for air to stay afloat. That has been me lately and I’ve decided it’s time for a slow down.

This blog addition is really for me to simply say, life has been moving too fast and perhaps that’s why I haven’t been posting too much. I’m reeling myself back in. If you’re finding yourself feeling in a similar boat, take a step back and let the winds catch your sails and send them back to you.

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” – Anne Lamott

The tide is coming in for the last time as this will be my final post to you all this year. As I’ve stated before, when I began this blog I had no idea where I wanted it to go, what I would add to it, or if I’d be any good at it. Whether you read one post or all of them, I’m beyond grateful for the readers I’ve had. Writing has been a wildly fantastic outlet for me this past year. I’ve enjoyed it more than I thought possible. I would like for this post to serve as my year in review.

I will continue writing in 2019 and hope to bring more narrative based content. I’ve decided I’ll continue adding my poems, and will add travel trip summaries. Writing has become a passion and as the words pour out of me, I’ll channel that flow here.

One of my original goals for 2018 was to visit three more states and one new country. If you’ve kept up with the blog than you know I was able to do five new states (Oregon, Illinois, Wisconsin, Washington, and Colorado). As for the new country, I just barely squeezed that in here. I fly out tomorrow for Costa Rica where I will ring in 2019. I have been very fortunate to be able to do so much traveling. I have an abundance of weddings to attend in the new year and I am saving to make my move to the PNW in the future so traveling won’t be as often, but if I’m able to I’d like to visit two more states this upcoming year. I have the scratch off maps (one of the U.S. and one of the world), framed in my bedroom. So, everyday I look at all the places I haven’t scratched off yet – my motivation.

“Stop dreaming about your bucket list and start living it. “ – Annette White

As I’ve already updated you all on my travel and writing goals, I’ll go ahead and bring you up to speed on my other goals I had for 2018.

• I realize now that with my fitness goal, I didn’t do anything that could be measured (i.e. muscle mass, body mass index, etc.); I think my focus was just on incorporating exercise more into my routine. I did a good balance of weight lifting and cardio. I ran competitively in high school and 10 years later was able to run a 5k faster than I did then. Big win for me.
• Looking back on it, learning piano was an ambitious goal. I enjoyed learning what I did, but at the moment I’ve accepted that I’m not good at it.
• Drinking less alcohol. I started off 2018 crushing this goal – over the summer wasn’t doing so hot – but can say that I’m finishing the year doing very well.
• 30 days of vegan did not happen. As I mentioned in a previous post I’ve had abdominal issues and am now going to a gastroenterologist who doesn’t want me to make any changes to my diet until this is resolved.
• My aspiration to be fluent in speaking Italian. Still working on this one – I’m not as far along as I’d like but I’m continuing.
• To read one book a month. I’m happy to report that I read 21 books in 2018.
• The job I started at the beginning of this year has gone great and it was a wonderful transition I made.
• Although, I ultimately chose not to go back to school – I’m content with the three degrees I do have.

In addition to these goals I shared with you, I set some other personal goals for myself in 2018. This is where this post may become more vulnerable. As I grow and continue to become more comfortable with who I am as a person and who I want to be in this life – I needed to make more changes to live authentically. I’ll be the first to admit that for the majority of my life, on the outside I’ve been an outgoing extrovert, however inside I’ve been holding my breath. It is now my time to exhale, and be more me than I have been in a long time. For those that have been the current under my fins and kept me anchored, I’ll never be able to thank you enough.

This year has been a roller coaster ride. I’ve realized more and more who I am as a person and who I aspire to be. Subtle changes from successfully being a vegetarian for a year to moving into a new city where I joined multiple sports leagues to meet people. I’ve gained friends and lost some. I was unfortunately involved in drama that I wish I hadn’t been (that is not my scene – more go with the flow). Thought I had fallen in love, now think I was just in love with the idea. Due to a lack of acceptance, I lost some family members – and have struggled with others who don’t know how to navigate that separation.

“When you forgive yourself for your past decisions, you’re free from the blame and can find the bandwidth to manage the current issues in your life.” – Ryan Howes

Announcing who you are to the world is pretty scary because what if the world doesn’t like you? I am done living in a world where I don’t get to be who I am. 2018 was truly a year of growth for myself. I cannot wait to see where my life continues to go into this New Year. I’ll be bringing it in with two of my closest cousins in a new country. As I strive for greatness and simply trying to be a better human, I want to share with you my 2019 goals as I hope you all continue to hold me accountable.

• As I love spending time outside and enjoy plants, I want to garden more and educate myself on the plants I buy and want to grow.
• Volunteering is something I’ve always done and enjoyed, but I’d like to be better at documenting it and choosing causes that aren’t just easily available but mean something to me. I’ve sought out a couple organizations already and hope to do more outreach in January.
• In 2018 I chose a certain amount of books I wanted to read. This year a new friend and I have discussed on creating a book club and I’d like that to be my focus – the creation of that and new books to come.
• My ongoing journey to learn the Italian language.
• As I intend to travel less this year, my goal is to become more educated on finance best practices and create budgets to become debt free in the near future.
• My journey with fitness will continue, but I hope to journal this adventure more and look into creating measurable goals.
• Lastly, I hope to live more authentically with my decisions, reactions, and everyday life.

As I pack to leave for Costa Rica tomorrow, I can’t help but thank each of you for continuing this blog journey with me this year. I hope you’ve enjoyed it and I look forward to bringing more content for you all in 2019. Swim strong my mermaids. 

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu

I realize I’ve let a few tides come and go since posting – I’ve been swimming to my own current. I did want to take a minute and allow this post to serve as an update to what I’ve been up to, future posts and travels coming. As I continue to write and post, I appreciate the feedback from those who send kind words.

Although, I took a break from posting, I didn’t take a break from writing or living. I’ll have a post coming soon about my travels to Colorado. I made a personal decision to stop sharing my poems [expressions] – I find that I write these the most and didn’t want to flood my blog with them, because I’m not sure that’s what my readers want to read.

As promised to be vulnerable with all of you, these past few months have been a roller coaster. Not only with the travels and fun things – but also the bad. I fell in and out of love for the first time. I lost one of my best friends, which was my fault. After 10 years of abdominal pain, I’ve sought medical help. Among other obstacles, there were days I thought I was drowning and days I was riding the best wave of my life.

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” – Criss Jami

For the original goals I published in this blog, I told you I would be honest about my journey, so I’m held accountable. Below you’ll find those updates:

• My fitness experience is continuing. In the last couple months, I’ve relied heavily on working out to pull myself out of a funk.
• Although, my posts went silent for two months, I’ve continued writing and find that I enjoy this more than I ever thought I would.
• To be honest, after my piano instructor moved on to a better opportunity, I stopped. I wish it clicked with me and it’s still something I’d love to master but unfortunately, I don’t think it’ll happen before the year is over.
• New travels. My goal was one new country and three new states. I’m happy to report that I’ve done five new states (Oregon, Illinois, Wisconsin, Washington and Colorado) and I’ll leave in December and spend the beginning of 2019 in Costa Rica – thus fulfilling this goal completely.
• Less alcohol. I did very well at doing this for the first half of the year. I’ll fully admit over the past few months I fell off the surfboard. It was eye-opening and something I plan to have under control for the remaining of the year.
• 30 days of vegan. This is something I still want to do. As I’m seeing a Gastroenterologist for my abdominal issues, this is something that will have to wait. I’ve been given recommendations until the problem is discovered, not to change my diet dramatically.
• Learning Italian. This has taken a spot on the backburner, however I’m determined to increase my learning before the year is over.
• As for the job that I accepted when I started this blog, it’s been going great. I really enjoy my team and have made some great friends through it.
• I decided not to accept the offer into the graduate program I was accepted into. In my head I couldn’t validate taking a loan out on a graduate degree, when I haven’t finished paying off the one I have. One master’s degree will have to do for now. I’m hoping the experiences and skills I’m building will help in lieu.

These are my quick updates. I’ll be sure and do at least one more update before the year is over. Be on the lookout for the Colorado post coming next. I’m also working on a couple topics I feel strongly about – I just want them to be perfect before publishing. And the poems are still pouring out of me – maybe I’ll publish one every now and then.

 “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy – the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” – Brené Brown

As I navigate the waves and tides thrown at me, I know I’m not alone. I wasn’t the first and won’t be the last to survive heartache and rejection. I’m not the first to cause the loss of a friend – finding I need to forgive myself before I can expect them to forgive me. Mother Nature throws the rain and wind at us to test our strength. Weather the storm and the light will come back out. Fortunately, I have my notebook and this blog as an outlet to ride out my wave.

When I created this blog, I truly had no idea which way it would flow. I simply wanted to try blogging as an outlet and platform to surf through my thoughts. In my original post, I made the statement that I would be a little more intimate in that post than I would be in the future. As I continue to write and receive feedback, that statement is now false.

“…understand that being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. It shows that you are in tune with yourself.” – Karamo Brown

After my last post (Matured by Mermaids), a dear friend followed my post by sharing, “I just want to give you a big hug… We need more of you in this world. I’m so proud to know you!! You have such a beautiful soul!!!” My response was simply a huge thank you for reading it and having such positive feedback. The following message said, “I can’t say enough about how much I love what you are writing!! The topics you are covering, the vulnerability, the honest and hard truth, we need this!!”

This reaction is giving me more confidence to write about a lot of different things I’d like to share with the world. Whether they reach one person or all the fish in the sea, it’ll be worth it.

I’ve titled this post, vulnerability because from here on out, I will be vulnerable with you all. I’d like to start by sharing an update to those goals I posted in my first post.

• I’m continuing my journey with fitness. Some weeks I work out one day, others I work out five days. It’s not consistent, but it’s working for me. Swim to your own current.
• Blogging is obviously taking off here. I didn’t know I’d enjoy writing so much. I’ve actually found a blog class so I can make my content better, and am looking into organizing this blog so it’s easier to follow and access.
• Piano… this one is still going with lessons every Thursday evening, however it’s definitely more difficult than I was anticipating. Once I can master reading music, I’ll master the keys.
• One new country and three new states. New country hasn’t happened (yet), but I have been able to visit two out of three states. I can scratch Oregon and Washington off my map.
• Less alcohol. Happy to report that for the months of January and February I went sober, cold turkey for a full 60 days. Although I will join in now for beverages, I’m still on my quest of eliminating liquor.
• Trying vegan for 30 days. I’m looking to accomplish this, this summer.
• Learning Italian.. I don’t dedicate as much time to this as I’d like, but I’m still learning. Passed my first test. Many more to go though.
• New job: woohoo!! In case you hadn’t heard, I did accept a new position about a month ago and couldn’t be happier with the transition.
• On the topic of going back to school. I was accepted into the program and school that I was hoping to attend this upcoming Fall. I haven’t accepted the offer yet… just making sure all my ducks are in a row before committing to another masters program.

These are my updates. Again, I encourage you all to hold me accountable with these aspirations. I’ll continue writing about topics I have strong feelings about, a poem that I need to get out, and/or just life updates.

“You can’t selectively numb feelings. So if you try to numb the vulnerability, you also numb joy, happiness, connection. You can’t have connection and joy and happiness without vulnerability.” – Jonathan Van Ness

I’ve spent enough of my life making myself numb to feelings and the world. Using this blog as an outlet and surrounding myself with cheerleaders, I give you my word to be more vulnerable and ask that you all ride the wave with me.

Being a 27-year-old man, one could say I have multiple characteristics that could be viewed as feminine. I used to be embarrassed by this… the older I’ve gotten, the more I realize how fortunate I am. If a post about the importance of not just women but strong women doesn’t interest you, all I ask is that you anchor down and read about my journey with this incredible gender and my personal crusade to advocate for gender equality.

As Emma Watson says, “I have realized that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating. If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that this has to stop.”

I was raised surrounded by women; it was an all hands-on deck event – I call this matured by mermaids.

Growing up, I was the only boy on both sides of my family. I have one male cousin; however, he is so much older than I am, his children are my age. A large family of female cousins and one older sister, led me to become comfortable around women from an early age and what I’m grateful for most, is I was taught how to respect them. Family members weren’t the limit, fortunately for me I was raised with family friends’ daughters who became sisters – relationships we maintain today. Truly a crew of women and one cabin boy on this ship.

Out of everyone in my family, I speak to my Grandma the most. I make it a point to talk to her at least once a week on the phone. If there is anyone I could pick up and bring with me anywhere, it would be her. Being the grandchild that moved the furthest away, it’s very consoling to hear her tell me although she misses me, how proud she is that I “got out” and am out living and building my own life. Although, she is from a generation where women were expected to stay home, my Grandma had a very fulfilling job in Social Work, while raising twins with my Grandfather by her side. She has always pushed my sister and cousins to be the best they can. She is the oldest women’s advocate I personally know. I had the privilege of hearing former Vice President, Joe Biden speak last month primarily about women’s right and fighting sexual assault/harassment on college campuses, in the work place and in the home. I knew my Grandma would love to hear all about this. When I called and told her all about the speech, I could hear the glow in her voice and that’s when she shared with me that she’s followed his political career from the start and has always been a fan of his. I couldn’t be prouder to have her genes and compassion running through my veins.

The role of matriarch on my Mom’s side of the family belonged to her older sister, for my Grandmother passed away when I was young. The stories I have heard of my Grandmother is one of intense loyalty and perseverance; characteristics I like to think I received from her. My aunt was easily one of my closest family members – and one of the strongest people I knew. I don’t remember us speaking of topics such as women’s rights, however I recall her opinion on certain things and knowing her acceptance of all and her intolerance of weak people (must be where I get it from), I feel if she were still alive today, she and I would have endless conversations about the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements. Finding the humor in any situation, while also teaching me the importance of showing vulnerability as a man are two of the biggest life lessons I carry with me from her. The current beneath my fins.

The role model who paved the way for me. My cousin that I will often reference has no idea the influence she has had and will continue to have on me. The first to go to a college where she didn’t know anyone, the first to study abroad, the first to join a sorority, the first to move to a new city and establish herself –  these are just to name a few. When it came time for me to go to college, I decided to go out of state where I didn’t know anyone, I went abroad twice, I joined a fraternity, after graduation I moved to a new state for a new beginning. This mermaid is the ultimate Queen. Her direction, determination, and ethic are unwavering. Being the free spirit of the family, I would probably be adrift in the sea somewhere if not for her. She continues to lead by example for me and this has only brought us closer. Our constant phone calls and traveling trips, keep me grounded and push me to be the best I can be. Instead of leaving big shoes for me to fill, she’s walked the path holding another set putting foot prints right next to hers, so I can journey with her – for this, I will always be grateful.

Being raised in a family that has mermaid statues taller than any other I struggle with some women in my family and their lack of knowledge on current movements and their lack of respect for their own gender. It blows my mind. Here we are raised by the same women, surrounded among one another and as adults we disagree on so many topics. I’m advocating for their rights more than they are. We’ve had many discussions sometimes leading to arguments on women’s equality. Before I tackle equality for all, I must start with one cause at a time.

“If one man can destroy everything. Why can’t one girl change it?”

-Malala Yousafzai

Who would I be if I was raised by these sirens, but didn’t do any advocating myself? Good news, I don’t know the answer to that. I’m sure there is more I can do, and I will strive for that, but I did want to share some personal experiences. I was recently at a bar and witnessed firsthand the countless “moves” put on an uninterested girl. Take a hint. I made eye contact with the young woman and I suppose she could tell I was sympathizing, so I walked over, got in between them, thanked him for keeping her company until I got there, and we pretended we knew each other. After he dispersed, she thanked me, and we went about our night. So simple. Maybe every scenario won’t be as simple, but who are we if we just sit back and watch?

Another topic I frequently run aground on with my family is transphobia. Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Accept it. I work alongside these individuals and they are no different than anyone, only born in the wrong body (more common than one thinks).

One thing I make sure I’m vocal about at work is parental leave for newborns – this is for maternity and paternity leave – 12 weeks paid at the bare minimum. In addition to work place leave, I’ve been in scenarios where it’s a panel of all men – ask where the women are?? Force an answer.

For men who want to help and truly don’t know where to start, start by clicking here and reading. Remember the top three things: Listen. Advocate. Engage. If you find yourself needing more practical tips in supporting women, check out this article.

“All men should be feminists. If men cared about women’s rights, the world would be a better place.”

-John Legend

Blessed is a word that comes to mind when I think about the next person, who is a true land mermaid. What began as an acquaintance as my friend’s girlfriend, she is now truly the epitome of a confidant and support system. Always a text away or shoulder to lean on. I am most grateful for her because we’re able to share our views on the topic of women (among others) – this can range from a documentary one of us saw, an article read, needing to vent on a witnessed experience, or simply what more can we do? Before her I’d never met someone more willing to advocate for anyone. We have a passion on living in an inclusive city together and changing the world in our own forms of art and activism. She is the wake to the water I surround myself with.

I look at my 5-year-old niece and hope from being states away I am instilling in her the strength I want her to have. I want this little girl to change the world. As she watches Disney movies, I do not want her to want to be a princess that needs saving; I want her to want to be the Queen – she can handle it herself. When a boy tells her, she runs or hits like a girl, I hope she runs faster than every boy and knocks a home run out of the park. She doesn’t have to be first mate, when she can be the Captain. When she sees another girl sitting by herself at lunch she won’t put her down but go sit with her and gain a new friend. I want her to reject anyone or anything that ever makes her feel like she doesn’t belong, doesn’t fit in or isn’t good enough. Just as Love, Simon is to LGBTQIA+ youth today, I hope she’s Wonder Woman and knows that her possibilities are endless. Thankful for a new era in the media, projecting these films. I hope in 20 years she’s leading women’s marches in Washington DC and advocating for those less fortunate or different than she and her brother. My goal is to turn this family into a force of advocacy.

You’ll see a trend here. The strongest women building me up from day one to make sure my journey is filled with respect for all. So, with that said:

Sisters, Girls, Moms, Grandmas, Friends, Fighters, Coworkers, Ladies,

#TimeIsNow – shatter the patriarchy

There is no limit to what women can accomplish. Period. But can you imagine what all could be accomplished with men also supporting them?

If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention.

The utmost appreciation and gratification to the mermaids that matured me.

First and foremost, thanks for checking out my first blog post.

This post will be a little more intimate than I’ll probably share in the future, as it comes with a bit of self-reflection from the transition of 2017 to 2018 and the realization of self-growth, while balancing the differences with close friends and working on finding that common ground between us.

As I’ve come to realize, I dove into 2017; deep end and all – holding my breath and swimming until I felt some sort of bottom. I was the epitome of that #yearofme or #yearofyes attitude. I had never been a believer in writing down goals or aspirations because if they weren’t met, they wouldn’t be looking back at me. I had plenty of successes, plenty of ups and downs, and plenty of travels through 2017. All in all, memories I couldn’t have dreamt of were made, laughs were had, and cries flooded the sea.

As tradition I brought in the new year with those closest to me, in a new city as we do each year. Being the one who lives the furthest away with no one in our circle even within driving distance, I don’t know if it was the excitement of being together or being in a city where no one knew me… the end result… I welcomed 2018 wishing I could do it over. I was with those that I love most, but I made poor decisions and here we are nearly 2 months in and I’m still thinking of those decisions. To the group they were nothing, but being the one who internalizes everything, has me still thinking about them. As I traveled back to my river, I decided changes were going to be made. For the first time I created a list of goals and aspirations and took them one step further – I expanded them from a list to a full bulletin board in my bedroom so I see them everyday. I’m going to make myself a little vulnerable and publish those goals so everyone who reads this can help hold me accountable.

• Fitness
• Blogging
• Learn Piano
• 1 New Country
• 3 New States
• Less Alcohol
  • Try Eliminating Liquor
• Try Vegan for 30 Days
• Read 1 Book per Month
• Learn Italian
• New Job
• Go Back to School

I’m happy to report that a couple of those goals have already been achieved and the others are in progress. I’m determined that I won’t put any on the back burner.

As I navigate my self-growth and continue to find my balance, I’ve come to realize even more the importance of those we surround ourselves with. Being the one who has considered close friends family and fortunate enough to have that support group, I’ve also come to realize how different we are and at times the struggle to continue finding that common ground.

It wasn’t until recent where I struggled with this topic with two friends who I would consider among my closest. One I realized on my own and the other was pointed out to me. Although we talk almost everyday and remain close as ever with distance, it wasn’t until he visited for the first time since I moved to Texas how different our opinions and thought processes are. I felt lucky that we are still close enough to point each others differences out, but a part of me wants more. What’s happened that has put us on opposite ends of the spectrum for so many important topics? This is a friendship I have no concern will wash away, just a little more effort in communicating is needed. My second example of this was the one that had to be pointed out to me – my closest friend here in the river country and I have recently had our speed bumps. I blamed it on the recent distance (actual miles) that we’ve had to battle. We went from seeing each other every weekend to simply phone calls and text messages. Tones of texts can be misconstrued which leads to distance and by the time we got around to addressing it, we’d both realized how different we’ve both become since we met. 2017 was a huge year for both of us. We were each an integral part in each others growth, and I hope that we will find that common ground again that we once had.

The support circle I referenced earlier and those I brought in the new year with are one in the same. It wasn’t until recent I realized they have been my background cheerleaders far before I knew it in supporting me and my life. It’s crazy how much you want to thank someone, before it eventually becomes weird. Fortunately, we do our best at talking regularly and physically seeing each other multiple times a year.

One of those trips is actually on the books. I’ll be going to Seattle for July 4th weekend, and I couldn’t be more excited. I’ve never been and those I’m going with, we’ve discussed moving there in the next year or two. As a money strapped merman, it’s difficult for me to say no to a new memory, so a couple more trips have already been booked as well. Portland, Oregon is coming up in two weeks with my closest cousin/travel partner, and it’s looking like Nashville, Tennessee for Memorial Day weekend. All three of these states will be states I’ve never been to, so I’m looking forward to scratching them off my travel the U.S. scratch map (and knocking them off my goals/aspirations list).

At this point, this blog could stream into many different routes, but I’ll do my best to bring it full circle, or at least keep the topics interesting. Hope everyone’s enjoyed my first narrative; maybe you can relate, maybe we have common ground, or maybe you enjoyed this semi-diary entry.

Stay tuned – more to come.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton